Robin's Page

 

Robin Barker's  regular granddaughter diary, and baby care column. Granddaughter Sage also joins us with a baby persepective on life.

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Diary - weaning

Sage is in New Zealand visiting her other grandparents; it always amazes me how kids, from a very young age, can work out who is who in families and where everyone belongs. Helen and John will be delighted to see her and notice a huge difference. I notice changes when I haven’t seen Sage for a week or two.

It’s funny how I am noticing all the tiny advances – I don’t recall that with my own kids, apart from major milestones it’s all a big blur (sorry Adam and Kate). I’m not sure if it’s because I was so busy (like anyone is looking after small people) or if it was because I really knew very little about child development – nowhere near as much as I know now.

Sage is just about off the breast. Kim, likes lots of mothers I see, wanted to call it a day after about a year – a very reasonable wish – I’ve yet to be convinced of overwhelming advantages of breastfeeding beyond a year.

Having said that of course it’s a personal decision and for those who are happy to continue it can be a rewarding and enjoyable experience.

However I know that sometimes the breastfeeding continues through the toddler years because mothers don’t know how to call a halt. The toddler might be breastfeeding day and night around the clock much to his mother’s despair. Sometimes, in some situations women become desperate to wean.

Here is some information on weaning:
· First, as there is often no easy way to persuade toddlers who are still breastfeeding many times a day and through the night to stop breastfeeding it is important to ask yourself why you want to wean. Unfortunately, prolonged breastfeeding is viewed negatively in our culture and you may find you are being pressured by people around you to stop. If you are perfectly happy to keep going ignore the comments and continue.

· If you are only breastfeeding once or twice a day, it may be easier to carry on until your child loses interest.

· If you do want to wean it is best to stop all feeds on a given day.
Gradual weaning usually doesn’t work with toddlers who are still having multiple breastfeeds because they find it difficult to understand why the breast is available at some times and not others. If you try gradual weaning you will probably find that you go around in circles because your keep reinstating feeds when your toddler’s nagging gets the better of you.

Most things in life work better with a little planning so talk it over with your partner. It’s best to stop the feeding at a time when he is available to help distract your child by taking him out in the day, putting him to bed at night and getting him up in the morning.

Tell your toddler in simple language what you plan to do then stick to it. It’s tough for three to four days but if you are confident and consistent, he will come to the party. If you act as if you are guilty and unsure he will continue to nag and whinge for the breast. Keep him busy and active and stick to your decision. Remember you are the parent and it’s perfectly reasonable to wean. Change his breastfeeding routine. For example, don’t bring him into bed with you in the morning, don’t let him see you bare breasted for a while.

· Night waking for the breast
Toddlers who are breastfeeding frequently are often still feeding twice or more through the night. This does not hurt the toddler in any way (apart from the risk of tooth decay after a couple of years of constant night breastfeeding) but some women find that they are frustrated and depressed by the constant night waking.
If this is happening to you, waiting for your toddler to decide to feed less or wean might mean waiting until he is a lot older. It's fine for you to make the decision to wean or stop night feeding rather than leaving it up to your toddler if that's what you want to do.
Stopping breastfeeding at night involves teaching your toddler to go back to sleep without the breast. Swapping the breast for something else is not the answer - it simply teaches him to rely on something else and will probably take even longer to get him back to sleep.
Trying to make toddlers take bottles if they don't want to is a catastrophe and not in their best interests (tooth decay and other problems unless it’s only water in the bottle). Trying to encourage unwilling eaters to eat more food to stop them breastfeeding at night is also a waste of time and stressful to boot. None of these strategies will stop your toddler waking at night for the breast. Teaching your toddler to sleep involves letting him cry at night instead of feeding him; this is never easy but by following some structured guidelines you can do this in three to five nights. There are a variety of ways to do this. There is a structured plan in both Baby Love and The Mighty Toddler. It will take three to five nights for your breasts to adjust to not being used so don’t forget to hand express for comfort once or twice a night for up to a week (depending on how many night feeds you were doing).

· Taking care of your breasts during the day
You will need to express for comfort only, three times a day for a week, then twice for a few days then if necessary once a day. When your breasts are comfortable stop expressing. If you need to, apply cold compresses for the first few days and take paracetamol.

· Your toddler’s diet
Three meals a day and milk and/or water from a cup is the way to go. Most toddlers addicted to breastfeeding start to eat much better once they are off the breast. There is no need to consider starting up the breastfeeds again if your toddler won’t drink milk. Put what dairy products you can into his diet and give him water to drink.

· Creative ways to wean toddlers (if you’re game)
Apply a nasty tasting substance to your nipples. I have known women to use a variety of things from chilli to the preparation available in pharmacies used to discourage thumb sucking.
Or disappear off the scene for a week. When you return – no more feeding. Don’t forget to look after your breasts!!

Robin Barker 20©04

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